Revealing Some Truth

illusions700

I have to just lay out some truth today. My website and my social media status updates give one small portion of my daily life. This may seem rather obvious, as we are all guilty of primarily sharing our best pics and highlights of our lives in the social media arena. Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for all of the blessings I share, and my goal in sharing my art and musings is to hopefully inspire others to follow through in their own creative pursuits. But I feel it’s important for me to share other aspects of my life too, so as not to create an illusion for anyone who follows my posts.

So here it goes…I work full time in a very uncreative administrative support position. I have been there for almost 8 years. I get paid well, have great benefits, and on a rare occasion, I get some in house graphic design work. My title is “Outreach Specialist”, which really means I book travel for visitors, schedule faculty visits and interviews,  reserve conference room space, order catering, make sure A/V systems all work for our webinar conferences, and am responsible for video capture of all presentations. Will spare the nitty gritty details, but know that I work with challenging personalities, as well as some great people too. If there is one thing my job provides, it is humility.

I’ve been accepted into several Master’s degree programs in order to move forward into a “real” career. Nutrition, Health Coaching, and Recreational Therapy are the few that I’ve tried. But it never really felt right to me. I always had a vague feeling that I didn’t fit into a mold. I did not want to pigeon hole myself into a certain area of expertise and go into debt in the process.

There is a whole back story as to how I came to be an artist. I’ve shared most of it in my About Me page. I really was always an artist, but it’s taken me 35 years to really build my skills and feel confident enough in my abilities to claim it.

More recently, I am finding myself drained from the duality of what feels like my 2 livelihoods. The one job as an artist where I feel strong, valued and a sense of purpose; and the other job where I don’t feel any of the above, but it pays the bills. The one job I work to thrive, the other I work to simply survive. It’s a duality many artists live with and I know I am not alone. There is the dream that if I keep on chugging and pushing through, I may actually make my way into supporting myself on my art alone. But that dream is precisely that right now…a dream. It’s not my current reality. But boy do I ever try to fight with this reality! The fight is what is exhausting me. Acceptance, humility, patience, gentleness… these are qualities I am working on. And honestly, this right here, right now is what is most important….how I am growing and learning from this path.

Thank you for reading my truth…or at the very least, a glimpse of it.

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2 Comments

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